I shouldn't have gone to work last night. At least, not at this particular job.
My body was begging me not to. I was processing a lot of intense emotions, and all it was asking of me was to find a quiet place in nature, turn off all of my devices, and be.
But I did end up going to that job.
Even though I've become very aware of what environments and situations make me feel abundant, about what work lights me up...
A small part of me was projecting these expectations of what "success" should look like.
"I need to 'do it all' to be successful, I need to work 2 jobs so I have the 'flexibility' to work on my own stuff"...
However, even though I did show up, I wasn't really useful to anyone. I was still processing everything but forcing myself to be in this space that wasn't authentic to what I was feeling.
I was hard on myself in regards to productivity. This isn't a new narrative.
There is a lot of pressure to make enough money to live in the US. We are handed these expectations throughout our lives.
I'm thankful to have lived in a part of the world where productivity isn't the pinnacle of worthiness because it's given me perspective... however, I understand that I'm now in this system and there are ways to make it work.
Though the shift I worked last night left me totally drained, I woke up this morning with a new understanding.
The challenges that we each navigate are put on our path so we can light the way for others. In order to teach something, you first need to experience it.
Building a business is complicated. There are the practical aspects: the budgeting, the business and marketing plans, the paperwork...
But then there's a deeper, psychological element. The imposter syndrome. The fear around money and not having enough. The idea that we need to be perfect to create and share our deepest passions.
As I move through these things on an individual level, it's becoming clear that this is how I'm going to help others bring their ideas to fruition.
Embodying my own authenticity in business has brought so many people into my experience that are boldly doing their own thing.
We're mirrors for each other and from my experience, that is the most accelerated way we grow.